Do Your Pants Hang Low?

i live in small town in northern Ontario.  Cochrane, like many small towns, has a busy main street.  Most of  the stores and services i needed that day were in easy walking distance, so i parked my truck at one end of the our main street.  i could go up one side and down the other, completing everything in one trip.

Everything went smoothly and i finished my errands in record time.  Last stop was the Post Office and as i left that building, my hands were full as looked up and down the street, waiting for an opening in traffic.  As is normal in our part of the world, a courteous driver noticed me and slowed to a stop, waving me across the road with a smile.  Grateful, i decided to step it up a bit and get out of the way, as it can be busy that time of day and tying up traffic on the main drag is not appreciated at any time of day.

As i stepped into a light jog, i knew my running style, like my dancing, was nothing pretty.  Years as a hockey goalie and a baseball catcher had not helped my running at all, and even at my peak guys would laugh at my lack of speed.  But i suddenly became aware of a much more critical issue. i have lost a lot of weight over the past few years and my pants, due to my refusal to buy new ones, are large on me.  i knew they were loose, but i was jolted out of my daydreaming as  felt my pants begin to slide to my upper thighs,  i began to panic.  News travels fast in smaller communities, especially embarrassing stuff, and i did not want to be the subject of conversation for the retired guys’ club at Tim Horton’s.  Hands were useless unless i wanted to drop the packages, so i skewed my legs outward to hold my dignity in place .

By now, i looked utterly ridiculous, legs spread out, pants falling down quicker by the second, hands full of packages, desperately trying to reach the safety of my truck.  My goal was attained, just as my past finished dropping to my knees.  i take back everything I ever said to my boys about wearing their pants too low.  i now know it is definitely a learned skill of some value.

I think I’ll buy some new jeans this week.

Gangsta John

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