The Gift of Silence

Warning.  Spirituality stuff.  Run if you must, but i invite you to stay if you are even remotely interested.

If you have been following the blog, you know my brain woke up recently and i have anything but peace within.  I have determination, focus (for the most part) and all kinds of tools to help.  But i do not know of any tools to bring inner peace.  And, right now, my spirituality is a mess.  I definitely do not not have peace or anything close to it.  But i am slowly moving in a positive direction and as i help myself, perhaps i can lend you a hand at the same time.

I was not a calm child.  My mind was always finding things for me to do,  So i would play with things, take them apart, and see how they worked…what make them tick.  That is what i am doing with my insides right now.  I’m finding out what makes me tick.

And i was a “yack in the box”.  i always wanted to be involved in the conversation with the adults.  In an age when children were supposed to be seen and not heard.  And i was funny.  i was the one who could make my dad laugh.  And guests would laugh.  And then i was told to get lost and find someone else to annoy.  So i would, right sisters?


And i am still a talker.  You have likely picked up on that, huh?  Not an introvert by nature.  An introvert by design, perhaps, but not by nature.  And sometimes my brain wanders and i think of something.  As if i am that small child even now, i will leap headfirst into the discussion, blurting out what i was thinking.  In the middle of someone’s conversation.  No problem.  i don’t mind.

There i am.  Johann is talking to me.  Some of my friends are nodding and saying, ’bout time.  Really John.  Tone down the need level and enjoy the company, your guests.  Simple manners.  At least you can do that.  Jeez.

So i need to get to the root of the problem.  The need that drives me.  Where does that come from?  Why is it there?  i do not bother with the brain noise that threatens to derail my fevered search.  And i found something interesting, but that is not for here.  That is not my point.

There you go.  I am usually up before dawn, especially in the dark winter months.  By then pretty much everyone is up.  Sunrise is now at 7:45 and it sets at 4:45.  Winter solstice gives us 8 hours of daylight.

And it is a gift to me.  I get up, light the fire, put on coffee, pet the dog and open her door and close the door between her and i so i can focus.  And then, after i have had that wonderful first sip of coffee, i get to work,  Doing nothing.

i used to get up in the morning and go straight to the computer to play my game and ignore anyone who spoke to me, for the most part.  I was grumpy, irritable and honestly, i was a morning dick.

Now i sit at my desk.  i look at my lists.  Then i go over to Tricia’s gratitude site.  You have to join the group, i believe.  (   i think i’ve posted this somewhere already, but this is a guide that helps me focus on things…positive things.  Simple things.  And my day is heading in the right direction.

i can invade Russia later, if the mood strikes me, but i rarely use my computer for games these days.  i have more important things to do.  And i am beginning to see an impact inside myself already, just by firmly directing myself in a more positive direction first thing in the morning.  Remember:  if you have shit on your lip, the whole world stinks”.

What you do with yourself first thing in the morning has an impact,not only on yourself, but others around you.  You don’t pray?  Then don’t.  But i invite you to push your boundaries a little bit.  I invite you to try a little quiet time.

Be safe and gentle with yourself today,


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