You have not heard from me for a while. i like Christmas. i enjoy seeing family and friends while i am here in London. No apologies. i am having a terrific time reconnecting with Sarah and we have made great progress in our relationship. i know some of you have had difficult experiences this Christmas and New Year. Not me, so i will note that up front.
i do not like the beginning of the new year for one simple reason: people have been duped into thinking it is a good idea to make resolutions at that particular time of year. It is a magic time, apparently, when one decides to improve oneself.
That seems like a healthy move. Really? The plan is to get together with a bunch of people who are drinking heavily and begin working on:
A) my family issues
B) my many character flaws
C) my relationship with my partner
D) go ahead…fill in this spot with triggers, regrets, etc
Not me, thanks.
No…this is not what i am saying. i have plenty of the above, but to assign a special day to begin fixing things makes no sense to me. If i had waited for Jan. 1 to begin fixing myself, i honestly might not be here today. Taking healthy care of myself is a daily, consistent process. That is my theory, anyhow.
It is like sending flowers to my partner on her birthday or our anniversary. If those are the only occasions i demonstrate my love for Sarah, what does that say to her?
So am careful not to become a slave to the calendar. Remember that i am a preacher and many denominations follow a “Church” calendar, so all those “special” days are an ingrained way of thinking for me.
But this is what happens, so often. Too fucking often.
So what do we do then? Most people i know, get all pissed at themselves (or someone else who made them fail), commiserate, and move on.
And so the resolution waits for that magic fairy tale time next year. So we fix nothing. We tried for a day and failed, so we are screwed.
Excuse me? Why? Say i make a resolution to exercise more. i am hungover on the first, so i aim for the second. But it is not part of my regular routine and i get frustrated every time i miss. It takes time to integrate new behaviour into our lives. That means i need to work at it for some length of time.
Recovery is not a miracle. It is a difficult road, many times, with landmines all over. Sometimes we falter or fall. That is not failure. Failure is not getting back up.
Recovery is not a resolution. It is a daily walk with ourselves and others. You have made it this far, even if you feel pretty beat up. i congratulate you.
Take some time to be grateful for who you are…i think you are terrific.