i turned 60 in November. So i came to a momentous decision to celebrate my birthday. i have told anyone who will listen to me that i have decided it is time for me to become a mature individual; an example to those who will benefit greatly from my stores of wisdom and intellect, i believe.
No. i am not Spiderman, but you get the idea, i am sure. So you would not stare blankly at me and then start laughing. You, like me, are too mature for that sort of thing. Unlike my family.
Perhaps i should not have told my kids that all my stories will now begin with, “When i was a kid” or “i remember the days when…” or some such introduction so they know when great wisdom is about to be imparted. i guess the grandkids will be the ones to benefit the most.
All joking aside, one thing i have learned recently, is not to live in the past. You may remember i mentioned a new layout, etc, in my last communication to you. You may have wondered what happened (or not). Here it is.
i began at the beginning of my posts, which made perfect sense to me: read what i have done so far, keep some and discard the remainder. New headings with a focus on mental heath and spirituality (to help me focus) and leave most the gardening and food things for when i have time/motivation. Taking pictures and organizing them is a ton more work than i can handle at the moment.
Good so far, right? My problems began almost immediately, as i was brought face to face with how terrible i had been in my dealings with others, particularly family. i became overwhelmed. i did not talk to anyone about it, as i did not want to bring those painful memories back into my relationships with others. Guilt and shame threatened to derail my progress.
After a lot of internal crises (which i handled fairly well, i think), i came to the conclusion that some of that material might be yet helpful to others, but it was not helpful for me to re-process things which i have already processed. So some things may disappear, but most of it will remain in some sort of archival stuff i will call “the old days” or something fitting. And i will concentrate my current efforts on what is happening in my life and or what i am thinking about now. We will see where this leads us.
I hope to be more consistent with posts in the future, as i think the process is helpful and healing for me. Anyhow, i promised you wisdom, so here you go:
Till next time,
St. John of the Asylum