I am Now Mature

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i turned 60 in November.  So i came to a momentous decision to celebrate my birthday.  i have told anyone who will listen to me that i have decided it is time for me to become a mature individual; an example to those who will benefit greatly from my stores of wisdom and intellect, i believe.

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No.  i am not Spiderman, but you get the idea, i am sure.  So you would not stare blankly at me and then start laughing.  You, like me, are too mature for that sort of thing.  Unlike my family.Related image

Perhaps i should not have told my kids that all my stories will now begin with, “When i was a kid” or “i remember the days when…” or some such introduction so they know when great wisdom is about to be imparted.  i guess the grandkids will be the ones to benefit the most.

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All joking aside, one thing i have learned recently, is not to live in the past.  You may remember i mentioned a new layout, etc, in my last communication to you.  You may have wondered what happened (or not).  Here it is.

i began at the beginning of my posts, which made perfect sense to me:  read what i have done so far, keep some and discard the remainder.  New headings with a focus on mental heath and spirituality (to help me focus) and leave most the gardening and food things for when i have time/motivation.  Taking pictures and organizing them is a ton more work than i can handle at the moment.

Good so far, right?  My problems began almost immediately, as i was brought face to face with how terrible i had been in my dealings with others, particularly family.  i became overwhelmed.  i did not talk to anyone about it, as i did not want to bring those painful memories back into my relationships with others.  Guilt and shame threatened to derail my progress.

After a lot of internal crises (which i handled fairly well, i think), i came to the conclusion that some of that material might be yet helpful to others, but it was not helpful for me to re-process things which i have already processed.  So some things may disappear, but most of it will remain in some sort of archival stuff i will call “the old days” or something fitting.  And i will concentrate my current efforts on what is happening in my life and or what i am thinking about now.  We will see where this leads us.

I hope to be more consistent with posts in the future, as i think the process is helpful and healing for me.  Anyhow, i promised you wisdom, so here you go:

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Till next time,

St. John of the Asylum

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