My Own Worst Enemy


How do these things happen to me?  We were going down south to spend Christmas with the children, grandkids and friends.  We always have a great time together and it makes a great crowd with our eight children, their partners and the three grandkids.  But the city is a busy place, so it is important i look after my mental health.  For me, this involves exercise

A couple of days before we left,  i decided to get back on track with doing my daily “plodding” run with Bella (our puppy).

It was not too cold for up here, so i decided only a little insulation was necessary.  This means a large furry hat, pyjama pants (fleece is warmer than jeans), double socks in my cross trainers, warm gloves and a neck warmer.

I went for my run (and felt not too tired, i might add) and decided to chop the wood for the day while i was suited up.  As i walked toward the woodshed, i noticed the heat building inside my layers and decided to take off my lumber jacket.

You- and most people, i imagine- would stop, remove the jacket and continue to the woodshed.  Not this guy.  i am the one who carries way too many bags of groceries (why do we always have broken eggs?…damn packers!).  I load the wood hauler too full, try to open the door while holding the hauler steady with my other hand.  So i end up picking up pieces of wood off the ground…again.

Back to my jacket removal process.  Continuing along at a brisk pace, i started to pull the jacket over my head.  Only an idiot would try to pull a jacket over their head without undoing the zipper.  God bless me.  i am not an idiot.  Do the maneuver while walking promotes one to super idiot status.

Short version.  Cursing the dog, Bella, who thinks i am trying to play, i finally had to stop walking because i could not see and was rapidly disintegrating into my “crazy head place.”  It’s like a safe place…but not…because it is crazy.  Like you don’t know what i am talking about.

So i am standing there, frustrated and pissed, with my nose almost lodged in the coat zipper… my “under-layers” bunched up, preventing me from pulling the mess back into place.  And i am totally serious about the zipper nose thing.  Going to a family event and trying to explain why i have zipper tracks on my nose would like throwing your baby to a dingo…not pretty.

Finally disengaged, i realized i have suffered no serious injuries, other than giving my “you are such an idiot” voice a little more power.  And i told no one.  Until now.  Why not?  Happy you asked.

An empowered voice makes a big difference in my head.  Many voices are held in a tenuous balance, so positive voices are a huge deal for me.  i do really well when i look after myself- eat well, practice positive thinking, exercise daily, get proper sleep, get some social activity time each week- you know the drill.

If i do not do these things…well:

then the outcome is not so great.

So sometimes…i get a little stuck.  Sometimes it is my own fault.  Other times, circumstances or people help me get stuck.  That is ok.  i have tools and i use them.  Sarah will be going down south for some much needed R&R with our four daughters.  i know she worries while i am her on my own, but i do ok.

i hope you are doing ok.  You don’t need to be perfectly wonderful, but as long as you are safe and healthy, that is enough for today.  Don’t sweat the little stuff too much and be kind to someone else.

John of the Asylum

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2 thoughts on “My Own Worst Enemy

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